Today Mommy read a passage in Harvey Karp’s The Happiest Toddler on the Block that made her sit up and exclaim. “Now this is what I’ve been trying to say. She’s just not like the other kids.”
Mommy has been concerned about how strong-willed Austen is: when she wants something it’s very difficult to convince her that she can’t have it or that she has to wait. Austen’s so full of energy that she seems to bounce off the walls — so focused on her play that she’s furious if a toy is taken from her before she’s ready to give it up; so curious that she must explore every object in a room — and then, after a few hours, she collapses in tears from exhaustion. Compared to her peers, she’s more manic and constantly on the go, moving from extremely happy and friendly to frustrated in a flash. Austen even wears out Daddy, who is definitely not a low energy type of guy. At night, Mommy and Daddy used to have to reassure each other that they were going to make it through the next day without breaking down. According to Karp, Austen is not a freak of nature! She’s a “spirited child,” part of a small minority of children. He says children are divided into three categories by temperament: Easy kids (40 percent of children). These kids are flexible, active, not too intense, and open to new situations. [Daddy and Chacha probably fell into this category as toddlers.] Cautious kids (15 percent of children). Hesitant, sensitive, even fearful, they don’t like changes and surprises. They tend to be peaceful but are easily frustrated. [Mommy probably fell into this category as a toddler.] Spirited kids (10 percent of children). These are the “more” kids: more active, more intense, more sensitive, more passionate, more inflexible, more moody, more impatient, impulsive and strong-willed. No two children are alike, all fit into a “category” in their own unique way. In Austen’s case, she’s overwhelmingly happy and friendly and loves new situations (unlike some spirited children). Demanding and exuberant, she’s a paradigm of tenaciousness and boisterousness, who fidgets and never sticks to one routine, except a regular bedtime. She welcomes new situations. As she’s gotten older, she is much better at transitions, although she often needs a bit of encouragement and distraction to get through them. She is easily frustrated when tired but rarely complains about discomfort or hurt, bouncing back quickly from falls. Austen is still of an age that she can be distracted by a new toy; her attention span is very short. She is sensitive to people and animals around her and notices the sounds they make. Learning about Austen’s unique temperament makes Mommy feel both relieved and anxious. Spirited kids are reportedly the most difficult to raise. There are books devoted to helping parents deal with them. Karp says that parents of spirited kids are often looked down upon as bad parents by others who see their children throwing fits, but they are actually the hardest working parents around. No wonder Mommy is always saying she needs a break from Mommy time. On the other hand, Mommy is proud that Austen is unique and special. Maybe she’ll be an alpha adult, an innovator who accomplishes some great feat.